post the twenty-seventh, 2013

born in 1905, peter drucker was a management guru whose influence during the formative years of the modern business era (60s, 70s, 80s) cannot be underestimated.

drucker defined executive effectiveness through eight practices. effectiveness is a measure of ones ability to get things done, not ones likability, popularity, charisma. whether you're introverted or extroverted, easygoing or uptight, generous or tight-fisted, you can follow these eight practices. that is to say, none of the eight are based on personality traits. they are all things you can simply DO.

Ask "What needs to be done?" -- not, what do i want to do, what does my boss want to do, what would make me popular or happy. simply, what needs to be done.

Ask "What is right for the enterprise?" -- not what is right for any singular part of the enterprise (shareholders, executives, employees, yourself). what's right for the whole will by default be right for each party involved. not to say the parties don't need to have buy-in or ownership of the decision and the action. it's just what's good for all might not be the best for any one.

Develop action plans. -- an action plan is an objective assessment of what needs to be done. it's not a commitment to act. it's not set in stone. it's not a schedule. it's simply a plan, of action. it will certainly be revised as you go along - you don't want to box yourself in. every action creates new opportunities, new options, new roads diverging in the yellow wood.

"Napoleon allegedly said that no successful battle ever followed its plan. Yet Napoleon also planned every one of his battles, far more meticulously than any earlier general had done. Without an action plan, the executive becomes a prisoner of events."

Take responsibility for decisions. -- drucker put special emphasis on personnel decisions here. a hiring or promotion that didn't work out, in which the hiree or promoted one failed in the job, was not the fault of the employee. the executive must take responsibility for the people who work for and with her.

Take responsibility for communicating. -- these days, it seems true communication is a lost art. ensuring understanding, soliciting comments and criticisms, fielding questions, and truth-telling even when truth is hard to tell or hear... these are elements of effective communication. you can't communicate this way without mutual respect, and without chasing the rabbit, i'll just say mutual respect is quite gone missing these days. an executive must take responsibility for 360º of honest communication - with superiors, subordinates, peers. he must keep action plans transparent and not shut down dissension.

Focus on opportunities, not problems. -- here, drucker was saying: first, don't lead with the bad news, and second, look at a problem AS an opportunity. this has been twisted to the point of being a dilbertism today. i mean, it's like a joke to say when we're presented with an "opportunity" that is obviously a problem. still, it's a good thought, to lead with the positive, and it is an effective management technique.

Make meetings productive. -- at the time drucker wrote these principles (the book "the effective executive" was published in 1967) studies found that even junior executives, or what we'd call middle management, spent more than half of every business day in meetings. i'm sure it's at least as much today. with that much time being spent in meetings, it's not difficult to see that ineffective, inefficient meetings are a huge waste of time and money. effective meetings are agenda-guided, purpose-driven, productive, and end when scheduled.

"Good executives don't raise another matter for discussion. They sum up and adjourn."

Think and say "We." -- the effective executive knows the buck stops with her. there is an ultimate responsibility that cannot be delegated. however, the effective executive knows he has authority only because he has the trust of the organisation, he puts the good of the organisation before himself. simple concept... but not easy. drucker advises it be "strictly observed".

I'm going to throw in one final, bonus practice. This one's so important that I'll elevate it to a rule: Listen first, speak last.

AND, THAT'S IT. THANKS, MR DRUCKER -- GOOD STUFF!

post the twenty-sixth, 2013

the modern world has left them
with a hole inside their hearts -
a place that can be filled up
with anything, anything...
anything that comes along,
anything.

emma, do you know me? have we met?
emma, you are just my type.
just my type.
you're special, so special.
emma, do you know me?

jacob, you're so pretty,
you just scare me,
just a little bit.
jacob, you're too pretty -
too pretty to be real.

the modern world has left them
with a hole inside their hearts -
a place that can be filled up
with anything, anything...
anything that comes along,
anything.

post the twenty-fifth, 2013

when it comes to running, you can measure time, distance, or both. like, you can run for an hour, you can run six miles, or you can run six miles in an hour. miles per hour is pace, and pace is generally considered a key measurement of fitness. if you're training for a race, you generally have a goal for that race, and the most common goal for a race is a finish time. particular finish time goal requires specific pace.

other race goals include: beating a particular person, simply completing the race, or racing the race without a time goal to test ones fitness. the latter is really only for experienced runners because to race without a time goal, you have to know how to push yourself without an external impetus. and the key to THAT is effort.

effort is how hard you are working, and it's quite difficult for novice and even intermediate runners to get a handle on. i'm trying to get a feel for it, myself, and i find it helpful to use pace to measure effort, and i find it helpful for my coach to tell me what pace represents what effort. not that she knows when i am working hard. all she can tell me is, based on my running record and based on her experience, what pace she thinks would represent hard work for me. or, easy work, as the case may be.

if you're out of shape, you're always working hard. if you're fit and hippy jam jogging around, you're not working hard at all. one is working hard and one is hardly working, but neither has a feel for the effort. to have a feel for the effort, you have to pay attention.

on my run yesterday, i thought about this quite a bit and concluded the ideal effort is an honest effort. honest to yourself and to your daily run.

some days you have a workout, and workouts call for a hard effort. they are intended to be difficult, to leave you tired and breathless, to make you hurt. a wise man once said to me: it's not a wedding, it's a workout - put on your hard hat and get it done! when you are doing a workout, you should be putting a lot of effort into your running, your focus and concentration. workouts make you stronger, faster, more fit. during a workout, an honest effort is putting yourself in a place where you feel pushed, uncomfortable, weak. you have to run faster and think more than on other days. if you aren't honest and don't push during a workout, you are only shortchanging yourself.

some days, you have an easy run, and easy runs call for an easy effort. for some reason, the running community seems to be consumed right now (maybe it always is?) with easy run pace -- "how fast should i run my easy runs?" -- which of course misses the point. it's not about pace, it's about effort. the problem is that it's easier to measure pace than effort. to measure effort, you have to be honest with yourself. if you run your easy runs too hard, you'll end up hurting yourself, literally, like injuring yourself right there that day. or, you'll hurt yourself in a less immediate way - you'll overtax yourself and end up injured later. you have to respect the day and what it calls for, and you have to be honest. if you are uncomfortable on an easy day, you're trying too hard.

on the hard days, ask yourself: really? is this the best you can do? c'mon.

on the easy days, ask yourself: where's the fire?

just be honest.

post the twenty-fourth, 2013

there are of course many ways to go about taking a run, but route types can be normalised down to a few: the point to point, the out and back, the loop, the lollypop, the wandering aimlessly around. taking a point to point run requires logistical planning unless you want to leave point A and take up residence at point B, so it's a bit rare. wandering aimlessly around is difficult to quantify, so again, rare. the other three are probably equally common.

today's running assignment was 15 miles, with the only instruction being, don't go too fast. i'm not sure coach understands what a complete slacker i am... at least, i feel like going too slow is something i struggle more with than going too fast. anyway, 15 miles, don't go too fast. got it.

now, to choose: the out and back, the loop, the lollypop.

the out and back is straightforward - you simple go straight, forward, and then you turn around and go back to the start. in this case, 7.5 miles out, 7.5 miles back. or, really, i'd do 7.75 miles out then back to 15, leaving a half mile to walk before i get back to the starting point. the problem with an out and back is that it's difficult to improvise. i mean, they're great for sort of mindless jogging, but if you want to venture off the path, whatever you do going forward, you're going to have to do that coming back. like, if you go down a side road for a half mile and back to the main, you've added a mile. when you get to 7.5, it's not "really" 7.5 unless you plan to take that same little detour on the way back. see? the value of the out and back is that you don't have to do a lot of pre-planning. just take off, go half your distance, turn around, wah-lah.

the loop is pretty self-explanatory, too. you start at A, run a route and end up back at A with the miles completed. the loop takes pre-planning. if you want to put in 15 miles, you have to have a 15-mile loop planned out. (i think you can get this without my going into advanced cartography.) you can't really improvise on the loop, either, because you are only going to add to the overall mileage. loops do have the advantage of varied scenery -- you won't pass the same placed twice, like you do on the out and back.

the lollypop is a bit of both. you jog to the start of the loop, go around the lollyloop, and then back down the lollypop stick and you're done. the loop would generally be the set piece, and if you wanted to add mileage, you'd do it on the lollystick portion or else you'd run the loop more than once. it's like, you jog to the park, loop the park, and then back home, something like that.

what to choose?

i considered going to the greenway for an out and back, but that just didn't appeal today. i felt like leaving my back door and ending up at my front door without using a car. pedding it, as it were. i've got this out and back that's 10 miles, and i thought i'd go to the 5 mile point (hereafter: X), cross the highway and go another 2.5 (or... 2.75) and then just turn around and head back.

oooooor, if i could get to X with 14, then i could take the shortcut home.

interesting...

so i took off knowing i needed 14 at point X and i started racking up the miles. i turned in side streets and cul-de-sacs here and there, just exploring, but the big payoff came when i got to the T-turn. it's like, road-A Ts into road B. to get to X, you take a right on B, and i was like, heeeeeeey, what if i take a LEFT on B? what about that?

i've made that left before, so i knew what i was getting into -- 4 miles, if i remembered correctly. as i topped the first hill, there was directly in my path a large black bird pecking at a small furry bloody thing. yikes! that bird looked like he would fight me for the squirrel, and since i didn't want the squirrel, i crossed to the other side. lah, lah, lah, soon i came to one of those little subdivisions that's all on one road, you know? this one's under construction and i'd been on the road before, so i knew it was .7 round trip. i could use that .7 so in i went. there were some kids playing basketball in drive of one of the finished houses, and there was a crew laying a foundation on another lot. jog jog, down the road and back.

now, i'm back on B, still headed away from X. i get to the end of B that's farthest from X and it Ts into yet another road, and there's a pickup coming down the road, but it's about .25 away, so i dash across the road and touch the road sign on the other side and dash back as the truck passes, because life's too short not to play in traffic.

so now i am headed back down B towards X and i am approaching that subdivision again, from the other side. i consider getting another .7 down that road, then i consider the basketballers and foundation layers will think i am nuts, then i consider they won't even notice, then i consider that .7 is just too good to pass up, so i take it. (i do think everyone noticed. it's a subdivision with like 2 occupied houses on a back country road, so how many joggers do they get? and good on 'em. they SHOULD notice. after all, i am wearing my sexy jogging pants.)

and, again i am on B headed to X, and i get back to where the big black bird was dining on fresh squirrel, and now there are TWO birds, and they're spreading their wings and posing and doing all this posturing around that damn squirrel to where you'd'a thought they killed that thing themselves. i stuck to my side of the road and they left me alone.

that was the last interesting thing. (well, besides the one section of roadside ditch covered up with busch cans. were they thrown from a car or did someone sit there by the roadside and drink them all?) but really, nothing eventful until i got to X. i hadn't been looking at my watch. i knew there was no way i'd have too many miles at X. i mean, if i managed to rack up 14, that would be a miracle. i got to X and peeked.... 9.87! not too shabby. i only need 4 more and i can take the shortcut home!

cross the highway, circle the hospital, down to the high school. i took a gamble on a quick loop: across the freeway bridge, down the big hill and back up the other side (if you see what i mean), around the goosepond, and i am back at X with (not shitting you) 13.94. how much closer to perfect would you want to be?

from there it's 1.5 miles home, so i take off, run 1 mile, and BOOM! 15 BABY!

i walked the rest of the way, sort of feeling like a big black bird with a squirrel.

(if you see what i mean.)

post the twenty-third, 2013

we got our new windows today, so... that's one step closer to Total New House 2013. at this point, most of what we have are plans. plans and windows. and, a hole where there used to be a wall. plans, windows, and a hole.

a plan, a window, and a hole walk into a bar. the bartender says - what is this, some kind of a joke?

a plan walks into a bar. the bartender says - sorry, we don't serve drafts here.

a window walks into a bar. the bartender says - you look terrible. the window says - yeah... just threw up the sash.

a hole walks into a bar. the bartender says - you by yourself tonight? hole says - yeah, needed a break from that ass.

post the twenty-second, 2013

sometimes i get upset with you -- you come in here, read my words, don't leave behind so much as a how-do-you-do. then i remember i don't care what you think anyway. then... well, then i realise i'm an idiot with nothing to say and no good ways to say it, and i'm lucky you put up with me at all.

post the twenty-first, 2013

when i arrived here, at starbucks, there were no open tables. i ordered a coffee and they gave it me for free, as recompense for my having to stand. FREE. by the time i had doctored it and whatnot, and a table opened, so i took it. then, since i had a table and all, i got in line for a scone. whilst awaiting my turn for a scone, a BETTER table opened up, near the wall, with the power outlet. so i stepped out of line and nabbed it. in conclusion, i am now sitting in a prime spot with a hot coffee and a fresh blueberry scone. the only problem is the scone isn't a scone-scone, it's more of a cake scone, probably because united-statesers don't appreciate the arid crumbly dryness that is a true scone. okay, that's not the only problem. there's a couple of guys at the next table participating in competitive performance conversation. fairly obnoxious, but i am concerned that if i were to ask them to hush-up (or, quiet-down) they'd reveal that they're practicing for the olympic performance conversation team, and then i'd feel pretty stupid.

post the twentieth, 2013

we passed a possum on the road,
a possum lying like a toad,
lying in the middle, middle,
right there in the middle, middle,
lying in the middle of the road.

possums comprise the largest marsupial group in the western hemisphere. that's not a big surprise, is it now. i would have been hard pressed to name ANY other marsupial group in the western hemisphere, so i'd have given possums the prize there without even having to look it up. the real name of the possum is opossum, which is derived from the algonquin language word "aposoum" meaning "smallish white-furred beastie". this name was assigned by john smith, or a botanist in his party perhaps, in 1610 in the virginia colony. the scientific meaning of possum belongs to marsupials in australia. i could not immediately determine why the australians called this similar thing a possum, which seemed like an awfully big coincidence, which led me to believe it is not.

so, i did a little more research.

captain james cook took the HMS endeavour, a british naval research ship, on an exploratory voyage and landed in australia in april 1770. capt cook's botanist, sir joseph banks, whilst busy classifying all the varied animals of australia, noted that certain ones seemed to be of the aposoum family. see, he'd heard of the other aposoum because he was a man of science and he read the journals.

europeans introduced a specific possum, the common brushtail, to new zealand in order to establish a fur industry. having no natural predators and being quite adaptable, the common brushtail took over new zealand like kudzu through georgia. there are a great deal too many now, and they are pesty, but their pelts are used in clothing - both in combination with wool and alone. no doubt, capt cook's botanist had something to do with this use of possum pelts, and to this day, we have the "joseph a. bank" line of clothiers.

thinking perhaps this james cook was the basis of capt jack aubrey in the "master and commander" series, i looked that up and found listed under "literary allusions": While in conversation with Dillon, Maturin quotes "non amo te, Sabidi" from the 33rd epigram of Martial: "Non amo te, Sabidi, nec possum dicere—quare; Hoc tantum possum dicere, non amo te." SO - as you can SEE - lots and lots of possum talk going on here, and the only logical conclusion is that this capt aubrey is modeled on capt cook. IN ADDITION, a one-fifth scale replica of capt james cook's vessel, the HMS endeavour, is owned by the RUSSELL museum in new zealand. RUSSELL crowe played capt aubrey (clearly based on capt cook) in the film "master and commander".

also, during my research, i uncovered evidence that capt james kirk of star trek fame is based on capt cook. exploring, gathering data, blah blah blah - OF COURSE. this makes perfect sense.

this concludes today's session of possumchat. thanks for tuning in!

post the nineteenth, 2013

i reread the post from a couple days back and realised i didn't quite get the rhyme scheme correct. it's supposed to be a-b-a-b for three quatrains, followed by a couplet. i did more like three long couplets and a shorter couplet. i shall endeavor to do better in the future.

if you have some dry skin, and i mean more than simple ashy elbows -- i mean patchy red irritated skin so dry it hurts, get you some gold bond intensive healing and some eucerin professional repair. smooth on the GB and follow with a layer of the pro repair. yeah, no need to thank me.

we went to eat at buca di beppo tonight. have you ever been there? the food is served family style, and a small entree feeds three while a large feeds six. we had eight people, and six of us worked on deciding what all eight of us would eat, then the remaining two arrived and ordered their own selections. we six should have revised our order, but instead, i now have leftovers in my refrigerator.

could this entry be more boring?

post the eighteenth, 2013

today i wore my new chucks, which were a gifted to me by mini-me, who gave me my first (and until recently, only) pair. the first pair are black (and torn up). the new pair are burgundy (and not torn up). if i were to have purchased a new pair for myself, i would most likely have purchased black. i would say... 90+% chance of black chucks. but the thing is, i really like the burgundy. i like looking down at my feet and seeing them there. i liked them in the box and like them even more on my feet. they aren't too bright, too loud, and yet, they aren't black. they stand out just enough. something i would not have purchased for myself, given to me as a gift, that i really like. THAT's serendipity.

post the seventeenth, 2013

the bard's sonnet 64

When I have seen by Time's fell hand defaced
The rich proud cost of outworn buried age;
When sometime lofty towers I see down-razed,
And brass eternal slave to mortal rage;
When I have seen the hungry ocean gain
Advantage on the kingdom of the shore,
And the firm soil win of the watery main,
Increasing store with loss, and loss with store;
When I have seen such interchange of state,
Or state itself confounded to decay;
Ruin hath taught me thus to ruminate
That Time will come and take my love away.
This thought is as a death which cannot choose
But weep to have that which it fears to lose.


and... à moi

i witness here destruction caused by time
to monuments erected in the past;
i see once-lofty towers all torn down,
and even brass, subject to man, won't last.
i witness here the tides' continual wear
and tear upon the shoreline and the sand,
and in return the kingdom of the shore
recalls itself when water gurges land.
so each one gains when other suffers loss,
and back again, the first one's gain returns.
in the end, destruction reaches all,
so teaches life; ergo, so i have learned.
such a depressing thought: one's love must die.
the fear that you i'd lose, just makes me cry.

post the sixteenth, 2013

an arizona woman named alecia took her 4yo daughter savannah to the dentist. the dentist said savannah had four cavities that needed to be filled, and alecia agreed that it was okay to fill the cavities. what the dentist actually did was to cap each tooth with silver.

whaaaat?

according to the news story, alecia sat in the waiting room while, in order to accomplish the fillings, the dentist sedated 4yo savannah.

whaaaat?

who allows someone - even a doctor - to sedate their 4yo without being present? i will tell you who: crazy folk. "hey, i am going to sedate your 4yo, and you can sit right here and watch some jerry springer on the waiting room teevee." "okay, doc!" OH, COME ON. no parent in their right mind lets that happen.

after the procedure, alecia takes a groggy savannah home. later, alecia looks in savannah's mouth and sees [insert dramatic music here...] silver teeth! every single last one of the teeth, capped with silver.

whaaaat?

did the dentist go in to fill cavities and change his mind when he got in there - or, did he plan the whole silver-cap thing as some sort of bait and switch? OH, COME ON. dentists don't work for kicks or for free. he's not going to take off and do unauthorized work. why not, ace? BECAUSE HE WON'T GET PAID.

like, this dentist is going to send a bill for "silver teeth" and alecia is going to go, "oh, right. silver teeth." ...okay, this woman probably would, but still. not only is it unethical but no dentist in his right mind is going to do work without knowing where the payment is coming from. which leads me to conclude, alecia doesn't pay for dental work... buuuuut let's not go there.

instead, let's backtrack.

alecia takes a groggy savannah home and LATER looks in her mouth and sees all the caps. firstly, parents don't leave the dentist without inspecting the work that was done. secondly, how many groggy 4yo's do you know that keep their tiny groggy mouths shut? i will tell you how many: NONE. every groggy 4yo IN THE WORLD has a giant gapey pie-hole leaking snotty drool all over themselves, you, the carseat, the car, the dog, and the mailman. COME OOOOON!

what are you saying, ace? i am saying, i don't believe the story.

but, ace, it was in the news. news is truth, right?

do me a favor: go look up manti te'o then come back here and tell me what you think about truth in news.

post the fifteenth, 2013

weather got bad today - freezing rain - and management let us out of work early. they never used to do that -- i've been at the same job for over 20 years, and up until a few years ago, we never got a break for bad weather. we were always expected to be there and that was that. easy to know what's expected when the same thing is always expected. they sort of opened a can of worms by closing several times one year... might have been three years ago... they closed several times and bad weather didn't materialize. it sort of became a joke and i thought they'd got it out of their system, but no, they closed early again today. sure, it's nice to beat the bulk of traffic -- well, after fighting the press of traffic leaving the company parking lot -- and it's nice to get by the grocery an hour earlier and maybe find a loaf of bread still on the shelf, but it's not exactly what you'd call vital. i mean, the weather is a bit rough, but it's not any more life-threatening than a normal rush hour.

besides the unnecessarity of closing and the confusion caused by the arbitrary nature of the closures, there is another complication. see, you've got what are called "exempt" and "non-exempt" employees. exempt means exempt from overtime, essentially, salaried. non-exempt are paid hourly and qualify for overtime. where i work, non-exempt employees are required to use vacation or leave time to cover the lost work time when the offices are closed. exempt employees are not dinged at all for the closure. seems incredibly unfair to me. i understand that non-exempt folks are provided with leave and emergency leave time, and those are the buckets from which this time is removed, which is better than requiring them to take vacation, BUT if they're out of leave they DO have to take vacation. leave is for sick days and also for everything from dr appts to child care snafus, and vacation is vacation. the key issue here, though, is that the offices are closed -- if you showed up for work, you would not be able to get into the building. this is absolutely outside of the control of any but the executives who made the decision. seems unfair that folks are required to use their leave time when they don't have a say in the decision.

post the fourteenth, 2013

a home designer stopped by this evening to measure the house and talk about options. he suggested knocking out walls, ceilings, windows, doors. not sure how much we can afford to do... we can't afford to do it all... but it'll be interesting to see how much we can do, and how it all turns out. i could do with a few fewer walls in my life. he's going to draw up some plans by the end of the week and give us a ball park estimate. we'll accept the things we cannot afford to change and change what we can afford... if we're wise enough to know the difference.

post the thirteenth, 2013

there's a fine line between making people crazy and doing what needs to be done.

training for a marathon requires a bit of dedication. maybe you can't go to brunch at 9 but you can go at 10 but everyone is going at 9. do you go at 9 and try to run another time... or do you be a butt and go run, and don't do the group thing. and why is choosing to go run equated with being a butt? you can tell people over and over that you need to go to bed early or you need to run for 2 hours or whatever, but they're not going to remember. it's just not important to them. i mean, not to insinuate that other people are butts, but you know, you just remember things that are about yourself and you figure other people will take care of themselves. thing is, running is such an alone-thing that it comes off as selfish. maybe it's just the seat-of-the-pants way things operate in my world -- any plan is disruptive to my spontaneity.

post the twelfth, 2013

last night i dreamed of you.
i dreamed that you were older.
i dreamed you never told her.
i dreamed of you last night.

last night i dreamed of her.
i dreamed that she was older.
i dreamed you never told her.
i dreamed of her last night.

then i woke in sudden darkness
and heard you there beside me,
your breathing softly labored,
your dreams inside your head.

and the earth restarted spinning.
all the pieces found their places.
as i lay back down beside you,
in our life, our home, our bed.

post the eleventh, 2013

where were you in october 2006? yeah, i know - i couldn't remember either. the topic came up tonight because some folks were talking about going to this one person's house, and i was like, i've never been there, and they were like, what about that 30th birthday party? and it was a party for someone of whom i normally would attend birthdays, if invited, but i didn't attend, and so the question was, where was i. alls i knew was it was something i had to do, for work, and it was out of town. i pondered a while, couldn't remember, put it aside. when i got home i searched my outlook calendar from work (that thing has voluminous history) and there it was, the first weekend in october, 2006. sure enough, i was on business - in western north carolina. and about all i really remember of that trip was that the one other person who wanted to go with me, but couldn't work out the logistics, was dead about three months later, and that just proves that if you want to go to western north carolina, by damn, you should go.

post the tenth, 2013

the problem with ordering stuff online is that you can never be sure it will fit - geographically or philosophically. i mean, does it fit your body and does it fit your style. you can't see the details, the nips and tucks, how long the sleeves REALLY are. of course, it's easy to order online. sit on your fat butt on the couch and pick out stuff. it ALL looks good on the screen. then you get it and it's not quite what you thought it would be, but it's easy to just keep it, since it's already here and whatnot, and it's a comparative pain to return it. a lot of places, you can return stuff through the mail, but that's risky because you've already paid for it and what if the merch doesn't make it back to start? so you're contemplating keeping it, keeping something that's not quite right, keeping stuff you probably won't use -- but, that's how you get big piles of things that don't work, and i don't want big piles of things that don't work. in fact, i don't want big piles of anything, but if i HAD to choose, i'd choose big piles of things that DO work, but if i GET to choose (and i DO) then i'd choose small piles of things that do work. the problem is that it's very, very difficult to find things that work.

post the ninth, 2013

i didn't want to go.

wait. let me back up.

i woke up tired, which is never good. first thing at work was the weekly production meeting - couple of hours of folks squabbling over limited resources. then i spent several hours wrangling spreadsheet data into an ICS file and while there's nothing i love more than herding tagged text with my regular-expression lasso, it IS a bit tiring. production meeting, text wrangling, followed by a conference call which thank osiris i could mute and half listen to whilst dealing with email.

and, boom, it's 1500 and somehow i've eaten everything i brought for lunch, haven't left my desk, and haven't done my running.

"done my running" HAR HAR.

but, no. really. to accomplish my Bright-Idea-Run-Fast-Marathon-Okay! goal i have to be a bit purposeful about my running. if i didn't have that idea in the back of my mind plus an incredibly bitchy coach combing through my every log entry for signs of weakness... i would have bailed today. yeah, it was an archetypal ACE BAIL DAY: tired, late, off schedule, just want to go home, wah wah wahhhhh!

today's assignment was nothing much, just 5 miles easy. my easy pace is anywhere between 9:30-10m/m, but i'm not too worried about it. i mean, if i were to go just a little slower, it wouldn't be the end of the world. anywayssss, my point is that it wasn't some complicated workout where i had to count laps or watch my watch or anything. 5 mindless miles jogging around. c'mon ace, be a man.

i decided to not run in the city, but instead to go to a local greenway i've been exploring. the greenway's off a soccer park, a dozen or so fields, and part of the greenway loops the park. i generally don't loop the park but i was like, what the hell, loop the park for a mile, then 2 out 2 back on the greenway, wah-lah, done.

so off i go down the front side. i keep hearing what sounds like an indian pow-wow drum. i finally get close enough to see a couple kids with a 16" marching bass, just banging away. practicing? maybe. fucking around? yeah, probably.

i keep jogging along, around the bend, moving along to the backside of the loop which is between the sets of fields. there's no trail on the actual far side of the park. coming down the back stretch i'm wondering about doing another loop or doing something else, when what to my wondering eyes should appear but an offshoot. offshoots rank right up there with tagged-text wrangling in my book, but i am in such a fog of boredom that i jog right past.

what was that? what? <<-- i think to myself.

i go back and peer down the offshoot. seems to be a path to the subdivision next door. ho hum. probably just a path for the kiddos to walk to soccer. probably just 1/4 mile. probably won't get me any closer to five. probably just a stupid path to a stupid parking lot.

so, i take it.

and, it is about 1/4 mile... TO THE GOOD PART!

the path is asphalt, bumpy in places where tree roots are encroaching, maybe wide enough for 2 people, but no wider. i can't tell if it's part of the greenway or a feature of the subdivision or both but there's not an armed guard, so i'm going in. it's very similar to the other parts of the greenway, and it connects to the soccer park, but i'm clearly in the subdivision. the placement of the path verges on trespassing - i'm just inside the relic of an old farm fenceline bordering these people's backyards.

i'm the only one out here, in the drizzly grey gloaming, and i can see inside the houses where bulbs burn golden over kitchen tables. it's so quiet out here, with everyone else behind their closed doors. i think about a video i saw somewhere where this runner says that he reaches a point in the run where he's no longer a runner, he's a guy having an adventure, and p.s. he's running. (or, something like that. i can't remember now exactly what it was, and i can't find the reference.)

as i trot along, the path unfolds into many paths. they look equally traveled, haha, so i choose one knowing the typical suburban path will loop on itself and i'll be back to try them all. the border is pine, cedar, some others who've lost their leaves, and the trees are packed tightly enough that the ground below is just moss and some scrabbly clover stuff. you know what i mean? that's my favourite sort of ground, the kind that happens when the trees are tightly packed. doesn't everyone have a favourite ground type? anyway, by now my mood is picking up. grey skies, 55º, my favourite ground, a path new to me, all to myself. at one point, the path flows beside the road, and the streetlights in this subdivision are pink (sodium vapor or pink bulbs?) and they're lion-witch-wardrobe shaped (in keeping with total adventure theme) and light is emanating from one of the streetlamps with enough force to reflect vaguely on the wettish road in a way that makes the road itself appear to be pink. and, immediately i wish i had a camera to capture this and share it with you... and immediately i am relieved that i do not, so that i do not share when i would regret not keeping it for myself.

post the eighth, 2013

many many things
many things
many many things

many many things
many things
many many things

going going on
going on
many many things

going going on
many things
going going on

many many things
going on
going going on

going going on
going on
going going on

many many things
many things
many many things

post the seventh, 2013

there's a big football game tonight. do you know who's playing? i had forgotten, and there's some people coming to my house with pizza to watch the game. so, i am feeling like, OMG what kind of dolt forgets whether it's the college national championship or if it's an NFL playoff game or a college basketball game or what is this important game???? here's what you do - you ask, "who are we cheering for tonight?" and unless you've forgotten that your OWN team is playing--in which case you're a big loser and deserve whatever you get--that should do it for you. "who are we for?" will 9 times out of 10 result in an answer that tells you the sport. i mean, you have to know SOMEthing. but, okay, tonight for example. i knew it was football but couldn't remember if it were the BCS championship or something to do with the NFL, so i go - "who are we for?" and the answer is - "who do you think?" haha, no just kidding there. the answer is "whoever is playing against notre dame, although it's hard to cheer for bama." BOOM, there you go. BCS championship and i don't even have to admit i haven't a clue what's going on.

post the sixth, 2013

we got an EOB the other day... you know what that is, right? EOB? explanation of benefits? it's when your insurance sends you that summary about how much your dr appt cost and how much they paid and if you owe any remaining. generally, i don't pay a ton of attention to those. i look, be sure it's the correct name and date, see if there's a remaining balance, and then i file it. so, this one comes the other day and i glance down the $$ column, and it says that the dr charged $120, the insurance paid $56 and "saved" me the remaining $64. if i were uninsured, would the dr have charged me $120? or, is that a faked up rate, pumped up so it can be discounted? and, they "saved" me $64?! they didn't save me anything. i pay a grand amount for insurance. it would probably be cheaper to remain uninsured and spend the $120 on the occasional dr visit. of course, i'd be SOL if i ran aground of some sort of actual medical issue. i mean, it's one thing to think my personal dr wouldn't charge the $120, but a hospital full of strangers would have. and, it would have been a lot more than $120. and another thing - i don't know if i were uninsured if my dr COULD charge me less than $120. maybe it's a contractual thing, that the insurance won't pay him the $56 unless he really charges the uninsured $120. who would know... probably the insurance comes around to audit. it's like buying furniture - it's marked way up so they can mark it back down. it's all a racket, but what can you do?

post the fifth, 2013

last saturday we took down a wall. today, we ordered new windows. one step at a time, right? i mean, really, we aren't in a big hurry but it's nice to make progress. the windows guy seems both reliable and honest, and the goods are quality. for a bit over twice the price of having the windows painted (wood trim, paint peeling, eventually decays) we can have new windows, new vinyl trim, and he's also going to trim up the garage door frames, which look fairly terrible and will also eventually fall apart. so, wall down. windows ordered. excellent first steps.

in other news, i've ordered a pair of new boots, two skirts, two shirts, and a sweater, and tonight i purchased another couple tops and a tunic. why? because my wardrobe needs a make over, too! also, i am going to NYC in about 5 weeks for a Big Important Conference and i want to look like i know what i'm doing. i mean, of course, i DO know what i am doing, but people tend to judge a book by its cover, no matter what they might tell you.

post the fourth, 2013

i said i don't know what you want from me.
but i guess that was really a lie.
the truth is i know what you want from me.
the thing that i don't know is why.

i ask where you go every evening.
you ask where i go every day.
but a fact that we're each neither offering.
is whether we're going to stay.

it's summertime now in australia.
it's winter now inside your soul.
like a deep sleeping bear hibernated.
your heart is all stiffened and cold.

our past is now past evanescence.
it's melted and gone from the earth.
our future is dark as the pitch moonless night.
i'm blind as a babe before birth.

i said i don't know what you want from me.
but i guess that was really a lie.
the truth is i know what you want from me.
the thing that i don't know is why.

post the third, 2013

did you hear about the case of blaer bjarkardottir? blaer is a 15-yo icelandic girl. when blaer was born, her mother decided to name her 'light breeze' which in icelandish is blaer.

in the country of iceland (and in germany and in denmark) you can't just choose any name for your baby. these countries each have a list of acceptable names -- and, not simple suggestions, mind you. oh, no, no, no! these names are LAW. you cannot legally name your child a name not on the list. ergo, blaer's legal name: girl. i mean, 'stulka' - which is 'girl' in icelanderspeak.

iceland has a personal names register containing 1712 boy names and 1853 girl names. the names have been vetted and deemed to fit icelandic grammar and pronunciation rules. 3547 total names that government officials have decided will protect children from embarrassment. parents have the option of applying for exception.

blaer's mom thought the name WAS on the list, and the priest who baptised blaer thought the name was on the list. apparently, priests and govt mix a bit more tightly in ol' icelanderland than here in the states. ANYHOO - the priest and blaer's mom bjork (not THAT bjork... although with only 1853 names to choose from, i'd guess there are quite a few bjorks.) thought blaer was on The List.

anyway, no harm done, right? bjork should simply apply for an exception, right? well, she did, and the committee turned her down. BOOM. because 'blaer' the noun (meaning = light breeze, remember?) takes a masculine article. (digression: i don't know how english escaped the scourge of gendered articles, but thank odin we simply use "the" and not the pantheon of le's and la's.) no matter that a very famous icelanderplatz book by the nobel prize-winning halldor laxness (stand up straight there, laxness!) had a girl protagonist called BLAER. never mind that bjork (not THAT bjork - the MOM bjork!) knew a girl called BLAER in 1973 (what? precise year much??). NEVER MIND AND NO MATTER THE COMMITTEE SAYS NO NO NO!

i looked this up - icelandenesse has a population of 319,000. divide that by 3547 (total number of names) and you get 89. that means, each name is used 89 times... right? at any rate - it's not a one-to-one correspondence. if you stick to the list, several folks are going to have the same name. like, you know. BJORK.

here's a little-known fact (unless you read the yahoo-news story from which i am shamelessly lifting): in icelandian, folks go by only their first names. this would seem problematic for bjork blaersmommir as she'd constantly be going - no, not THAT bjork. but, that's what they do - everyone's on a first-name basis. your surname is just your dad's name plus either dottir (daughter [for girls]) or sen (son [boys {duh}]). so. names are important, and here's sweet little blaer getting called stulka.

stulka. ugh. not really a pretty word, is it? pluswise, remember why they had the list? to save kids from embarrassment. in a country where all you have is your given name, wonder how embarrassing it is to be without one...

post the second, 2013

i like diet tonic water. i'd probably like undiet tonic water, but i haven't tried it. i know i like diet tonic water. i will occasionally get a six pack of those squatty plastic bottles (like 12oz maybe?) and stock up my work fridger. today was my first day back at work since mid-december, so a couple days ago i got some of the aforementioned tonic waters. at least, i THOUGHT that's what i purchased. this morning, as i was removing the squatty six from my trunk to take them into my office, i realised they were wrong, undiet... hmm... i considered taking them back to the store, what a pain, i wasn't going to the store today - weighed that against keeping them, stocking the fridger with them, consuming them. seemed easier to keep them... and then i read the nutrition info: 130 calories per. 130 times 6 is... well, 100 times 6 is 600 and 30 times 6 is 180 so 130 times six is... 780. and knowing the accuracy level of nutrition labels, it's easily 800. FREAKING 800 CALORIES. that's 8 miles of running.

back they went.

post the first, 2013

got up at a quarter after dark and tiptoed into the bathroom with the phone to check the weather. radar shows rain but the circle of yard and deck visible in the halo of the floodlight out the window is wet, but holding still. so? not raining then, and maybe what's on the radar's merely virga.

tiptoe to the kitchen for a glass of water and crack myself up walking thru the hole where there was a wall... until three days ago. finally taking any action towards remodeling this old place feels good.

i sit at the kitchen table munching saltines and waiting for the sun to crest the hill because i might be a crazy runner but i don't have a death wish. anyone on this road at this hour on this day is in no shape to avoid sending me into the dark wet ditch. harry potter yrs 1-4 lego app is on sale for 99¢ so i download that while i'm waiting.

when it becomes obvious the sun will indeed rise this first day of 2013, i retreat to the bathroom and get dressed with the clothes i threw in there earlier this morning after toasting in the new year. i carry my garmin, socks, and shoes to the den and step barefoot onto the deck to set the garmin for a signal. it's very cool but thankfully not cold and not raining. feels like shorts will be ok. after socking and shoeing, i don hat and mittens (with shorts!), gather garmy... i'm off.

the first mile's a warm up so i try hard not to try hard. i go up that hill to add a mile before the normal three route. a couple steps before the turnaround i fart, then i turn and step by thru it and crack up. who can't wait two steps. sha.

this is the heart of the run. three miles at MP (marathon pace). coach says for me, that means 9m/m. i've hitched my wagon to the star of her faith in me, so i jack up the pace and try to find 9. somewhere between trying too hard and not trying at all there's this sweet spot and i'm out there like a junkie looking for a vein and i'm over, under, around, so near i can taste it. cloud 9 eludes me.

the fog is luxurious. deer literally high-tail it across my path. a few neighbors are up, walking a dog here, getting the newspaper there. one lady's apparently excer-walking. good morning, neighbors, happy new year. i greet them all from my perch atop this donkey's back, as i tilt at this windmill called marathon.