post the hundred-fiftieth, 2013

the difference between being a "runner" and being "someone who runs" is something of a semantic shell game, but if you are a runner, you know what you are. i mean, i don't want to come off as a prick or anything, but some people who run are just people who run, and some of us are runners.

here. take the quiz.

1. true or false. the best way to get from the kitchen to the bedroom is to sprint. if sprinting is for any reason not possible (injury, extensive laundry-hallway blockage, et cetera), it is acceptable to skip or jeté.

2. amidst a busy work morning at the office, you realise you'd like a coffee shop americano. to get one, you will (a) drive to the coffee shop; (b) take the bus to the coffee shop; (c) call the coffee shop and request a delivery; (d) ped on over there.

3. stairs:elevator::________:useless

4. you run a marathon in 3:24:06. what are your mile splits?

5. on a business trip, you find you've been systematically booked into a faceless block of concrete adjacent to the airport. the surrounding topology includes freeway, freeway exit, freeway entrance, and razor-wire enclosed tarmac. hotel parking is underground and accessible only to the hotel valets. the 10x10 space allocated to fitness equipment contains a set of dusty freeweights (the 8s are missing), a broken elliptical machine, and 15 tiny stiff "white" towels. in violation of international fire codes, the stairwells remain locked at all times. you have not been provided with a rental car. the only timeslot available for personal activity is between 10PM and midnight. how do you accomplish the 12-miler that's on today's docket?

6. true or false. you can have too many pairs of trainers.

7. you're having a good hair day. a really good hair day. a really, really good hair day. no, really - good. your lunchtime run will no doubt result in the ruination of your good hair day and you thusly feel conflicted about going to run at all. demonstrate the implausibility of this scenario using the schwarzschild wormhole theory and the lyrics to supertramp's "long way home". bonus: graph the result.

8. the perfect fuel belt colour is (a) green! everything's better in green! (b) best to get one to match each outfit (3) fuel belt? don't need no stinking fuel belt! (iv) none of the above.

9. pizza:beer::_________:shirley

10. rearrange the letters of your name to spell "boston marathon unicorn". make substitutions as needed.


good luck! (i scored 100%.)


my new trainers glow in the dark. see?