17 jul 2012

you did a good job, and i like your shoes.

i don't know... i heard it on teevee and it sounded intriguing.

as for me, i am not much of a cook. i mean, sure, i can do scrambled eggs like a mofo. i can also do over-easy, which i PREFER, but it's overly easier to just go with what everyone else wants. i'm a giver, see. what else... i can do waffles and a stellar blackened salmon (not TOGETHER you dillweed), and i can toss salad with the best of them. but recipes? uh... unrequited frustration lurks with anything more complicated than what's on the back of the blue box of delight -- which, after all, is nice and cheesy and it's really pretty easy. (and apparently pairs well with merlot?) oh sure, yeah, I HEAR YA, you brainwashed recipe worshiper. "creating a meal with your own hands will nourish your soul to nourish your body." POPPYCOCK!

i was shopping once with a small child who is dear to me, and one of the items in the grocery buggy was cake mix. "what's in cake mix?" asked the dear small child from her perch in the seat of the buggy. "oh, flour, sugar, probably dried eggs, milk..." she looked at me through a haze of awestruck comprehension: "so, we could MAKE a cake?!" oh, hells to the no. i rushed to assure her that we could by no means make a cake, because cake mix had a secret Cake Ingredient that was not available for purchase by the general public. that's right - i LIED to avoid making a cake from scratch. fairly certain it's not a crime. pluswise, who wants to eat scratch? ew.

you did a good job.

and, i like your shoes.