19 may 2012

after a point, stress makes me sleepy. up to that precise point, i get jumpy, twitchy, fidgety, but then i hit that tipping point and bam! hibernation mode. it's probably similar to what happens to people who are depressed except it's without the sadness. there's a certain mellowness that follows the twitchmania, but from what i understand of depressions, it's not the same. i'm not sad. i do care. but there's a sort of detachment that takes place, almost an out-of-body thing. i am not engaged at the same level, no longer feel stressed, and fall victim to a bit of narcolepsy. i am sure it's a coping mechanism, but it can be a bit inconvenient because what stresses me is when there are more than a few front-burner projects requiring my active engagement. not a good time for being overly sleepy.

for example, i am currently interviewing for a promotion that would include moving from a work team of which i have been a member for over 15 years and which is itself in the midst of a transition. so, even staying in that department would be stressful, but add that i am considering leaving... well, there's this sort of traitorous dimension to interviewing for a new job. yeah, sure, i deserve a promotion and anyone would go for it. i'm not saying it's logical -- emotions usually are not. alls i am saying is that scheming a betrayal is stressful. besides the work stuff there's family death, family marriage, and family moving hundreds of miles across north america. there's the mortgage refinance and home renovation project we're launching. there's trying to balance exercise (read: running) with staying uninjured.

okay, okay. it's a litany that anyone could sing. we all have stuff going on. i realise that and i am not complaining about a full life. not at all.

alls i am saying is that if you need me for anything, please wake me gently.