19 mar 2012

someone who knows me fairly well has taken to calling me 'katniss' and i don't mind that. in case you're not familiar with katniss, she's the lead character in the hunger games and embodies a lot of enviable characteristics. she's smart, resourceful, brave, protective, loyal. she comes off as aloof but she's not without feelings -- she's just protective, doesn't give herself away. my favorite thing about katniss is that although she knows what she is capable of and doesn't often doubt herself, she doesn't realize the effect she has on others. she has a charm, a power, a charisma that she wields naturally, unknowingly. i would like to be that unaware of myself. i mean, charisma aside, i would simply like to have a moment free from constant calibration and measurement and refinement of my participation in simple human interactions. it's like a GPS in my brain... 'recalculating'... 'recalculating'... 'recalculating'... shut up, brain. it's not like you're ever going to get it right anyway.