post the seventy-seventh, 2013

it takes me the better part of 48 hours to get in the right mental place to carry out a successful track workout, so setting myself up for a successful marathon isn't simple.

i say that like i've run successful marathons over and over again, and really know what i am talking about, but of course, the truth is that i haven't done it ever, even once.

it's probaby the same for anyone, to a certain extent, but it's got to be simpler for people who have practice at it, who've been doing it their whole lives.

what happened was that i put in months and months of training, and long about late february, i started thinking i could really rock this thing, maybe qualify for boston. then, couple weeks ago, i came up lame. at first i was freaking out but after a few days of not being able to walk without limping, much less run, i was over it. and, i don't mean over the freaking-out part, i mean, over the whole rocking-this-town thing. just like that -- months and months of prep done in by three days limping.

at this point, i am nearly 100% physically and about 20% mentally. i could probably rock this thing if i wanted to, but i just don't want to anymore.

how could i take all that investment and toss it, check out, see ya later bye...

fear of failure? sure, that's possible. i am not going to argue the point, because i won't be able to change your mind anyway. (ironical?)

alls i know is i have always enjoyed the training more than the race, the learning more than the test, the process more than the goal.

and i can't wait to get this over with.