20 feb 2012

i am not going to ask you again. if you want to go, you can say you want to go. i don't want to go, and i think i made that clear, but then i said that i would be happy to go if you wanted company, but the point was, i didn't want to go for myself. i could take it or leave it, and actually, i could more leave it than take it. could i be more clear? okay - how's this: i don't want to go. however, if it is important to you and you want company, i will go with you. if it were just me, i would not go at all, but if you want me to, i will go -- with you. if it's not important to you, not worth making a fuss over, but you would like to go and don't want to go alone, i will go with you. the only thing i am trying to say is that i don't want to go for myself, but it doesn't bother me to go. i am not doing anything else, just sitting here. but if the question is: do you want to go? i would have to say, no, no i do not want to go. unless you want me to. so i guess maybe you'd say what i want is to be with you. so. if you are going, i am going, and if you are not going, then i am not wanting to go without you. in conclusion, i cannot decide if we are going because it's not a pros and cons for me - there are no pros to simply going, the only pro to going is if you are going. so, it's all cons in my book except if you are going which puts the decision squarely with you, and i've already asked you if you wanted to go and i am not going to ask you again. you will say that we didn't go because i didn't want to go as if it were to please me that we didn't go, but it doesn't please me not to go if you do want to go. it bothers me if you don't do something you want to do because you think i don't want to. i don't need you to think for me about what i want to do or where i want to go. what i need is for you to decide what you are doing and then i will decide if i want to join you. not that i am just waiting on you for ideas of things to do because if i had something that i wanted to go do, i would do it. want, go, boom. done. if i wanted to do anything, i would do it, and it's not that i don't want to do anything, it's that i am content not doing anything. it's not an active not-wanting. i am not against going - it's just that it's not something i want for myself. it's up to you. but, i am not going to ask you again.