post the thirtieth, 2013

i read someone's blog today. she's not a friend, not an acquaintance, i've never even met her... and yet she's not exactly a stranger. she knows people i know, or--at least--one people i know. did i stalk her? i didn't mean to stalk her. i saw her name in a twitter feed and decided to google her. why. no idea. oh, calm down--it's not like it's the first time i've ever done anything like that. oh, please--it's not like you haven't done it, too. google yourself, your high school sweetheart, your first crush, your kid's math teacher, celebrities, anonymities, friends, acquaintances, people you've met at work, at a party, on the internet. WE ALL DO IT. anyway, i was bored just for a second, so i googled her up, and oh look here is a blog, so i read it, and damn. she's a hot mess. depressed, needy, bolstering a thin facade of strength with vegetarian cooking and vague agnosticism. i read like five posts and found her oft repeated i'm-okays stank mightily of protesteth too much. she is decidedly NOT okay. pluswise, her disdain of other folks's judgyness was undisguisedly judgy. she kept condemning people for condemning people and i think the irony was lost on her. after reading those five or so posts, i felt like i HAD been stalking, snooping, reading her private papers, but it's a goddam blog for crissakes. not that justification is required -- but it's right out there in the internet for everyone to see. thing is, having read this stuff... i don't know... it's hard to explain, but her words left me feeling manipulated. alls i can figure is, she's trying to construct a persona... only... there's not enough in her words to know if she's trying to build it for someone else, or for herself.